Thoughts From 4/30/14

- I jokingly mentioned Miley Cyrus and only one of us had her on their Spotify account. It was me.

- I'm officially "Social Chameleon, Level 9000". I'm well-rounded enough to get through a 5 hour date with a 23 year old.

- Given 99.9% of the time nothing will happen, but you don't know that during the "clean-up." :)

- Random fun thing about being single again....Freshening up the apartment, just a bit, "in case she comes by later." There's a wonderful hopefulness in it. It's like the night has limitless potential.

 - I barely dated 23 year olds, when I was 23 myself. I can't explain what's going on.

 - A big night tonight. I'm going to the "Spring Ball", at a posh hotel and my date is 23 years old (14 years younger than me). Currently, my youngest friend is 26 years old and she has no idea what a 23 year old does these days.

- Back for the first time in a few days, it's not that I haven't had any thoughts, just have been a bit busy.

Thoughts From 4/27/14

- It's one of life dreams, to simply break Google with one of my phrases, book singularity is the closest I've come.

- If you're wondering, no "book singularity" is not online in the context I just used. I finally invented a phrase!!

- Even though I'm in one and have been in another, every time I see an interracial couple I think, "Look, there's an interracial couple." Something is obviously wrong with me.

- Friend: "I'm reading two books at this time. And in one, it referenced the other book I'm reading."

- Me: "Oh my God. You've achieved book singularity!"

Thoughts From 4/22/14

- My countdown for Prince William to get some sort of hair replacement treatment continues. Someone with all the resources of the British empire should not be walking around looking like this.

Thougths From 4/20/14

- Random awesomeness. I watched "Queen Heaven" at the Hamburg Planetarium today. Worth checking out for any "Queen" fan. And, as a bonus, somehow I didn't fall asleep. Take that narcolepsy!

- I just found a Spotify classical playlist called, "If It Ain't Baroque....". That made me smile. #NerdHumor

- Sometimes you need humor to illustrate how stupid some people's beliefs are.

- Happy Zombie Jesus Day!! In honor of it, here's a cool video "The Passion Of Zombie Jesus". Atheists (and some doubting Christians) will enjoy it.

Thoughts From 4/19/14

-"You'll laugh, but I'm already considering age, projected income, thoughts on children, distance from parents, etc. It will be a weighted average." #JamesQuotesJames #TextingEdition

- Random time I've been happy about being separated: walking around the supermarket today, seeing all the couples and knowing they were likely on the way to some (likely) boring, awkward dinner (s). 

- "I think I've crossed a threshold where my work life is less stressful than my social life." #JamesQuotesJames #TextingEdition

Thoughts From 4/18/14

- Wherever you fall on the Atheist-Agnostic-Religious scale, I think you have to admit that this is creepy as fuck.

- I like how they've turned Joe Morton (Papa Pope) into Keyser Soze. #ScandalThoughts

- Ok, I wrote my Maya Pope thought, in real-time, before they caught her. I'm not perfect. #ScandalThoughts

- The NSA can find all of us, except for Maya Pope. #ScandalThoughts

- "Scandal" is at "House Of Cards" levels of treachery.

- Exhibit # 3,458 that Hollywood is out of ideas. A sequel, that no one has been waiting for, is on it's way to theaters. Mrs. Doubtfire is coming back! 

- I'm feeling particularly froggy today. I feel like watching stupid religious story videos in German. I would like to know the bullshit in two languages.

- 4 day weekend here in Germany. All. Laziness. Everything.

Thoughts From 4/17/14

- "Honesty is the new lying." #JamesQuotesJames

- Apparently, you can't be considered an "Outdoorsman" in Germany, until you cut your nose. That seems unfair.

- I just noticed how formulaic my German outdoor magazine is. Each cover has a good-looking white guy, with a beard, and a cut on his nose.(enlarge the pic, I'm right about this one)

Thoughts From 4/16/14

- I'm officially up to a "wave and hello" relationship with my local bike repair shop guy, after getting a tire fixed. #Assimilation

Thoughts From 4/15/14

- "I have a midday date Friday with the doctor-to-be... and then what if I date an air traffic controller or something. I have to cover odd hours"  :)

#JamesQuotesJames #TextingEdition

- "You're in the minority, if you come home, your guy is in a white button-down shirt, sleeves perfectly rolled up, drinking red wine, listening to jazz, as he prepares dinner." #JamesQuotesJames

- "You should get a vasectomy on the sneak." #JamesQuotesJames

- "I'm at the point where I'm afraid of people's doppelgangers"  #JamesQuotesJames

- "A 10 year age difference is the most you'll see in America, unless their is a lot of money involved."
#JamesQuotesJames

Thoughts From 4/14/14

- "I completely believe in "compartmentalized friendships." #JamesQuotesJames #TextingEdition

- I did have the thought that "Game Of Thrones" can't be as good as people are saying. I heard so many good things, my expectations are so high, that I'm certain the show will disappoint me. So, thanks for that, world.

- It's been a long 5 days....I was somewhere every night from Wednesday to Sunday night and I might be out of thoughts.

Thoughts From 4/13/14

- All. Detox. Everything.

- The other is "Gentleman Caller" (as a euphemism for "booty call"), comes from a Tennessee Williams's play, "The Glass Menagerie." So, get on that people, go use them and let's class up our English!

ex.) "She had a "Gentleman Caller" last night."

- It's become one of my goals to bring back early 1900's terms to describe random things from today. I have two so far: "Ladies Of The Night" (describing sex workers), comes from a 1925 silent film of the same name.
 
- "We've gotten to a place where we objectify each other and neither feels bad about it." #JamesQuotesJames

- Neil DeGrasse Tyson, if his Astrophysicist game falls through, could read bedtime stories. #DulcetTones

- I may be too tired to have thoughts today. Even my inner monologue is a bit hungover.

Thoughts From 4/12/14

- "Did you pull off your Polish move?" #JamesQuotesJames

- We have also decided that we are ok with being "wifed up", by a lady with a lot more money than us. But, since we have some morals/scruples, we don't want to stop working completely or need EVERYTHING from the wife. We decided to call this a "Splenda Mama." (instead of Sugar Mama). Again, we are open to other names, but please stay in the "Sugar substitute" world.

- The guys have also decided to re-brand the "Divorce Party" for men. And our name for this will be either a "Re-entry Party" or "Re-bachelorization Party." We're open to your feedback. But, we think we can't lose with either name.

- "I growl and I squint, and I get all creepy." #JamesQuotesJames

- "I mean look at some of these people, I wouldn't wear those clothes to go food shopping." #JamesQuotesJames

- "Are you really going H.A.M. on the Pythagorean Theorum?" #JamesQuotesJames

- "I'm at the point in my life where I go to hotel bars, lounges, and places with nice sconces." #JamesQuotesJames

-"Our stripper is either really tanned or just performed in blackface. Either way I'm uncomfortable." #JamesQuotesJames

We've decided to re-brand the bachelor party as a guy party and do it quarterly. 

-"I thought they would be dancing with coin purses on. Either that or fanny packs." #JamesQuotesJames

- Using "blazer" as a verb is officially normal for me. Ex: -"You're blazering up for the night, right?" 

I'm curious to see how European strips clubs work. They have 1 & 2 Euro coins and then a 5€ bill. I'm sure not tipping a fiver and I don't want to throw coins at people.

-" I got my bikini line done too!" #JamesQuotesJames #TextingEdition

 - Join me at the "I Love Fog" group here!

-  Strangest bathroom I've been in, since arriving here.

 

- Because everything exists, I found a "I Love Fog" group with 320 members. I should join.

- It's a wonderful foggy morning in Hamburg. I don't know if people have a favorite weather phenomenon, but fog is mine.

Thoughts from 4/11/14

- Idea that's waiting to pop: Selfie Photography Class #InnerMonologue

- "I'm surprised I haven't hurt myself. But, not in a suicide way. I mean in a falling-in-the-shower way."

- "Oh no, I licked myself for nothing." #JamesQuoteJames

- "I'm liberal for Waco." - M.K.

- "Is he a Republican?"

- "No, he's actually liberal for Texas." #PoliticalBarFight

- "I just used your initials when I quoted you. I don't want someone to Google you and learn about your anti-gypsy stance." #JamesQuotesJames

 - "I mean, I don't like gypsies though." - A.S.

- "I don't need to deal with hot flashes right now." #JamesQuotesJames

- "Enough of this soda shit, I'm
getting a beer." #TryingToBeResponsible #FailingAtIt

- Vegan Baileys would also be amazing, now that I think about. #VeganAlcoholism

- Random thought...I'm wondering if there is a place where I can get a vegan White Russian.  #VeganAlcoholism

Thoughts From 4/10/14

- If the waitresses aren't giving me "side-eye", they are at least throwing some shade my way. Either way, it's off-putting.

- She eats her Musli cold...no one's perfect.

- Hamburg is what I call "a small big town". I've already seen people I know, in random places around town. And, someone will likely throw a drink in my face one day. Mark my words!

- Effective uses of space...Toss a mannequin in between the glass of a revolving door. Why? Because, why not?

 - I think I need to find a new "first date drink spot." At my current place, I feel like I'm getting side-eye from the waitresses. And, one of the managers spoke to me in English before I said a word to him because, "he remembered me from last time."

Thoughts From 4/9/14

- She seems nice, but does she have her Musli hot or cold. #BurningQuestions #InnerMonologue

- I'm a pretty neat guy, far from a hoarder. But, there's a (IMHO) a great distance in "It's OK for me" and "Woman Ready."

- If a guy did that, it would be harassment, right?

- I learned these last few weeks, that if you receive a message from a German woman (on a dating site) and don't write back, they have no problem with writing a follow-up message to passively-aggressively troll you about not writing back. (And, yes that's a pretty sweet run-on sentence)

Thoughts For 4/8/14

- "Are you sure you're not just using me for my toothbrushes??" #JamesQuotesJames #TextingEdition

- If you want to see Germany's answer to Zach Galifanakis (pictured in yesterday's post), you can see/ hear him here. Fast forward ahead to the 16 minute mark for his first appearance.

- Random positive about Germany I noticed today. I got caught in the rain, had to throw my hoodie up for the walk home and realized I had no worries about cop harassment or George Zimmerman-esque "Neighborhood Watchmen."

- Because I must know things, I had to check. 65% - 81% of people can roll their tongues into a "U". 

- For the record, IMHO, those of us that can roll our tongues into a "U" are also winners of the #GeneticLottery.

- UPDATE: I only alienated only about 36% of the population. There was a survey to determine the hanging earlobe vs. attached earlobe split. And, about 64% of those surveyed have hanging earlobes. But, those of us with hanging earlobes can still walk around proudly. We're still better than 36% of the population. #GeneticLottery

- You've probably heard of "male privilege" or "white privilege". This might be the first time you heard of "hanging earlobe" privilege. But, that's why you come here, for stuff you might not hear elsewhere.

- Time to share something that will alienate half of the world's population....I can't for the life of me figure out why attached earlobes kinda creep me out. I'm sorry guys...This is my safe space. I don't think I've ever said that to anyone.

Thoughts for 4/7/14

- Reminder to self: Research if anyone has connected Robert Pfaller's theory of Interpassivity with Twitter hashtag activism

-  "What other classics are they using? Do they still have those compasses, you could kill a horse with?" #JamesQuotesJames

- I even told her how convinced I was, that I'm a sociopath. And that didn't scare her away. I mean, what the hell is wrong this person? :)

- I'm trying this new thing with a woman I'm seeing...complete, unfiltered, and total honesty. I tell her everything I'm thinking. It's as if she reads this blog. And, she actually likes it and finds it refreshing. But, I can't believe I haven't scared her away yet. The whole thing has flipped. I tell her crazy stuff, she digs it, and now I'm weirded out, because she's not weirded out.

- Germany's answer to Zach Galifinakis (spotted on the telly tonight)

- I feel like J-Lo would sue if she knew about this. (spotted at a very random Hamburg club):


- Added bonus about listening to Willie Evans Jr. (See his video for "Nerd English" in yesterday's post) is that he kinda looks like David Ortiz from the Red Sox. #SeparatedAtBirth #EsotericEdition

Thoughts for 4/6/14

- If you're in the part of the Venn Diagram where "nerd" and "hip-hop lover" intersect, this is the song for you. "Nerd English" by Willie Evans Jr.. It includes such nerd references as: Soul Caliber, You Can't Do That On Television, Gamer Tags, Comic Books, Boba Fett, Quantum Physics, and many more

- "Yup, I've fallen asleep driving. But, I was in a traffic jam, so it was a low-speed accident. When, I hit the car in front of me, I was only going about 2 miles per hour." #JamesQuotesJames #NarcolepsyFollowUps

- "No, it doesn't matter if I'm tired or not." #NarcolepsyFollowUps

- "Most movies are pretty formulaic, so I can figure out what I missed after I wake up. It's not as bad as it sounds." #JamesQuotesJames #NarcolepsyFollowUps

- "I only ask that if I'm not snoring, just let me sleep. It's really ok." #JamesQuotesJames #NarcolepsyFollowUps

- "What else is wrong with me? Umm, I'm pretty sure I have a low-grade narcolepsy. So whenever I go to the movies, I'm good for at least a 15 minute nap." #JamesQuotesJames

Thoughts From 4/5/14

I just realized that seeing giraffes fight might not be an everyday thing. You're welcome guys:

- "Have you ever watched 2 giraffes fight? Don't do it! It's incredibly off-putting."

- "Thanks to my taxi app, my bike share app, and my extra phone battery, I'm like an urban Boy Scout right now."

- "I'm now 93% sure that I'm a sociopath and I'm hiding it well."

- "I'm like their "gay friend", that just happens to be straight." #JamesQuotesJames

-  "Not having a onesie is a glaring hole in my wardrobe. I'll just wear some black, that's slimming at all times of day." #JamesQuotesJames

- "What's a good "day-to-night" outfit when you're going from a coffee date straight to a Ladies Night, where you're the only guy invited?" #JamesQuotesJames

- My life has quickly become the Seinfeld "Even Steven" episode (in case you've forgotten or never seen it):

- Apparently, a couple of sportscasters in New York are upset because Daniel Murphy (of the Mets) is taking 3 days paternity leave, to be with his wife and new baby. Crazy stuff. Yes, a whopping 3 days.

2 things: The Mets suck and it doesn't matter if ANYBODY misses 3 days for them, they will still suck. Secondly, baseball has like 200 games and it doesn't matter if ANYBODY misses 3 games, for any reason.

- I traded in #GalavantingHard with the guys for a Salsa lesson last night. NEVER AGAIN. But, I was introduced to the perils of trying to be a "Renaissance Man." They're always some other shit you could be learning. :)

- Morning all, let's start the day with more "racial insensitivity" (my own term) from the streets of Hamburg:

Thoughts For 4/4/14

- Friend: (after a long explanation of a point, in German) "Verstehst du?" (translated: Do you understand?)
- Me: "Yeah, I understood everything. I just like hearing you explain things."

- "It is one my worries, that I will leave it somewhere randomly in town. I picture myself wandering aimlessly around Hamburg, looking at every locked bike, to see if its mine." #JamesQuotesJames

- "Can you remind me to grab my bike when I go? Right now, it's parked at home in my mind and I don't want to forget it." #JamesQuotesJames

- One of my random happy moments in Hamburg, is when I get to take the brand-new, futuristic train (tinted windows, ample leg room, fold-up seats, it's a joy) on the U3 line. But, there seems to be no middle ground on the U3. You either get that one or one that seems to be from the old East Germany. #BipolarTransportation

- " I feel like I can "Vegan-ize" that with Tempeh Bacon and perhaps change my life." #JamesQuotesJames

- I do love the word "galavanting" though. It feels like something the Gatsbys would say. I haven't read the book or watched the movie...Maybe they did say it??

- Came up with a new hashtag, thanks to a friend of mine. Keep an eye out, on Fridays and Saturdays, for #GalavantingHard  (Google "galavanting" if you must)

- "She still logs-in to the site frequently, so she's probably "Pokemon-ing" me too, which is totally fine." #JamesQuotesJames #TextingEdition

- I like to think I'll get used to it, but that part of my "Americanism" is holding on tight. #DateConfusion

- Good morning all! Here in Europe, they put the day of the month first and then the month, when a date is displayed anywhere. So, for instance March 5th would look like this: 05.03

So, this is one of the 12 times/ year, I'm not confused by the date (its 04.04)!!

Thoughts From 4/3/14

- Advantages of being a well-rounded fella? Making dinner with a new friend of mine, Pachelbel's "Canon In D" comes on the radio, then followed by "Swan Lake" by Tchaikovsky. I name them both by ear and she looked at me like she wanted to propose. #RenaissanceMan

- And, I just realized the 3rd "Duck Dynasty" person from the left (don't know their names), looks like Saul from "Homeland." #SeparatedAtBirth"                      


- I'm confused am totally feel like I'm "Pokemon-ing."

- Germany...NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!


- I wonder where we are in the "post-mass shooting" cycle in America. It's Day 1 after a big shooting. So, it's either, "we're still in shock" or "it's too soon to talk about it."

- I realized I started this account because I'm too lazy to drop my thoughts into 5 different social media platforms.

- More "racial insensitivity" I've seen around Hamburg 

- Bible bullshit + CGI x Creative License = An Awesome Summer Flick!

- For the record,  I would actually LOVE a Bible story/comic book character mashup.

- Eating cereal out of a mixing bowl, because....adult

Thoughts From 4/2/14

" I appreciate the Supreme Court no longer pretending we have a real democracy in the US. There's honesty in the dishonesty, if that makes sense." #JamesQuotesJames

Evangelical Christians are upset about the "Noah" movie. How could Hollywood take creative license, with a story where a man puts two of every animal on a boat? Fucking idiots. I don't want to make fun of religious people, but they make it pretty easy.

I just Googled "undislikeable" and of course it's been used. I will never invent anything. I will cancel my trademark application.

I thought today, what would I do if I woke up tomorrow without the ability to see. The best I can figure is that I would use my phone navigation to get around. But, who would punch in addresses for me? I could use voice search, but my phone responds to German. So, pronunciation could be a problem. Let's just hope I don't wake up blind tomorrow.

I wonder if "undislikeable" is the first double-negative word ever made up.

"Since my separation, I have been at "apex charm" (trademark pending) on these dates. I am absolutely undislikeable" (trademark also pending).  #JamesQuotesJames

Another example (Exhibit B) of some German insensitivity (or maybe ignorance) around race. A woman I dated for a while owned this. It looked like an old mammy/ Aunt Jemima- type thing. And, no, I didn't have "the talk" with her about it.

Taken Friday night...The view from "Clouds" bar (highest bar in town), looking down onto the Hamburger Dom #NichtSchlecht

Tweets, Posts, Thoughts From Present to 2011

"I have hit the zenith for a "non-threatening straight guy." I got my invite to a "Ladies Night + James" get together!"

"I'm nearly certain Germany is either "racially insensitive" (and not to only black people) or just doesn't have a fucking clue. 

Exhibit A (and I have a lot more to post): Why do you need a brother with a ridiculous fake 'Fro to sell Scampi Pizza is beyond me. And, what the hell is scampi pizza anyway?:

"Just saw my first coat that had elbow patches. This has gone far enough. I'm ready to release a line of pajamas with elbow patches."

"Had a German tell me, that I'm not an "American American"...Not sure exactly what it means, but it feels like a compliment."

Here is a preview of the stupid thing I'm doing to myself this year, the Hamburg Urbanathlon. Vid is only 2:30 minutes:

"I know the Finale is near, but I gave up caring about "How He Met Their Mother" in Season 5. #DrinkingHaterade

I really love living here in Hamburg. It is truly a beautiful town. Here is a great time-lapse video of 24 hours here, all of the main sights are featured, check it out: 24 Hours Hamburg

"I'm not an "ageist" but, I feel like I'm a "young" 37 yrs old. So, I'll deal with someone who is an "old" 41, when I'm 50." 

"Peppermint tea might be one of the best bargains going. You get all the benefits of the actual tea and you don't really need breath mints, if you drink it enough." #APennySaved

"Sitting down to pee gets a bad rap. You can text, tweet, and you don't have to clean up after yourselves afterwards. Guys, open your minds, it's not so bad."

"I have a busy Saturday. A 2pm "first-date", a 5pm "break-up date", and a 9pm "night date." All this and the clocks change tonight. Tomorrow will suck. What are you doing?" #textingedition

"I'm definitely turning into a "sapiosexual." (look it up guys, I can't do everything for you)

"Things are actually going pretty great...I love it here, met some really great people...the city is just beautiful, I live close to everything...I don't have to drive. Even the insects are top-notch."

"You're lucky, you have a beautiful view of the Elbe River. When I look out of my window, if I really stretch my neck, I see a yeast factory."

"I'm experiencing epic levels of "Nice Day Guilt." (trademark pending) It's the guilt you feel on a really nice day, where you just don't happen to want to go outside.

"I won the biggest lighter I've ever seen at the Hamburger Dom last night. I think I have to move to a bigger apartment, to make space for it."

"Sunday nights are when things kick-off on German dating sites"

"Part of my job is teaching German people how to be normal."

"I'm liberal and am for equal rights. I would defend your right to be hit by a bike."

"I'm 90% sure I'm a sociopath and I'm just hiding it well at this point."

"I don't think I'm going through a mid-life crisis. I like to call it a "late, early life crisis."  #semantics

"Not having patches on your elbows is the new having patches on your elbows."

"It took me years of being sarcastic dickhead, to talk like this."

"Sir, you're wearing a bow tie, you shouldn't be co-signing such humor."

"I'm such a caveman...here I am pawing everyone's nuts."

"At the very least, she has a very big inheritance coming to her."

"I wouldn't mind getting wifed-up by a doctor-to-be."

"As long as she doesn't have scoliosis or hot flashes, I'm pretty good."  (this is the "old" 41 year old referenced above)

 These big headphones are out of hand. We have gone from "Beats By Dre" to "I Work On An Airport Runway."

"No sir. I trademarked "The Blazer™", so now we are separate entities."

"The Blazer™ (I filed the legal paperwork) is also looking forward to the night."

"Frank Underwood is the Walter White of politics."

 - courtesy of Melanie Steel

"You don't have to be angry to speak German, but it does help."

- courtesy of @ShitGermansSay (on Twitter)

"You can always count on Americans to do the right thing - after they've tried everything else."

 - Winston Churchill #coolquote

"I'm gonna rehydrate myself with beer after Bikram. It's going to be great."

"Your "I'm smart" glasses and hoodie, made me think you knew what you were talking about."

I also learned from you, that I want all my baked goods "stuffed with resentment."

 - "stuffed with resentment", courtesy of Sarah Dee

"He looks like a burn victim, who had a lot of hair gel lying around."

"Not having a beard, is the new having a beard."

I ate insects for the first time tonight. From left to right:

Mealworm in Dough, Buffalo Worms, Locusts, BBQ Sauce

Ok, I'm about to try and watch "Blackfish." I'm prepared to be emotionally destroyed and putting my over/under for tears at 500.

This is the most bling-ed out German you've ever seen. "Mr. T" of  Western Europe

Soccer/Politics/movies meet: Here is Rene Meulensteen (right) former asst @ Manchester United looks like the offspring of Tom Hanks and Speaker Of The House (Republican) John Boehner "

And, I don't really have pearls to clutch when I'm shocked...it was figurative."

"Off to an All-You-Can-Eat Vegan breakfast, where I will attempt to eat my body weight in vegan food."

"40 Maps that explain The World" Kinda awesome..My fave is #36, "Area Codes In Which Ludacris Claims To Have Hoes"  http://www.realfarmacy.com/40-maps-that-will-help-you-make-sense-of-the-world/

  "Arguing about politics is like giving me a Red Bull. It always wakes me up."

"The word "schön" (describing the weather), will be uttered approximately Eleventy billion times today in Germany."

"I don't know "people", but I'm sure I know "people", who know "people".

"I'm delicate. Sometimes the week beats the shit out of me and I need to get away from it all."

"I'm in that unfortunate moment with my gray hairs in my beard. I have too many to pluck and too few to color."

"I don't know what I meant, but I know what I didn't mean."

"The perfect car for those who think a Smart car is a bit too roomy."

"I forget details of my own life."

"Sometimes the jokes are just for me."


"I'm in such a good mood, I'm quoting goofy stuff I've said tonight, out of context, via Facebook."

"You can't masturbate during the Olympics. It's the purity of sport!"

"My body is shaking its internal fist at me."


"I'll allow you to piggy-back my male privilege."


All the guerrilla marketing of #Anchorman2, only serves to make me want to see it less.

"I'd also accept being snatched out of there with a plane/ grappling hook combo, like in "The Dark Knight Rises.""  (2:50 mark, if you forgot the scene) 

"I would go to your wedding (in Texas), if I could just smoke-pellet out of there after it was over."

"I don't care how many of you guys post it. I'm not doing my Facebook movie.
I'm considering it the new "Candy Crush."

 "My Super Bowl MVP: Global Warming. The high was 56 degrees (13 Celsius) today in E. Rutherford."


"This game is pretty horrible, but look at the bright side: I bet none of you had seen these aluminum foil colored, futuristic bubble gooses before tonight?

See, you probably feel better right now.

"Random thing that costs more in Germany...my dental floss.It costs 5 Euros ($6.75) for the only dental floss I can use.

"Oral B Pro Expert Premium" should market themselves as "The Dental Floss Of The 1%"



  

I just noticed Victoria Nuland (State Dept Assistant Secretary) always has a Rock-like "People's Eyebrow" going in every pic I see. #EsotericReferences

"2014 is the year I finally decide who I love more: "One Direction" or "One Republic" My waffling has gone on long enough."

Hey everyone...I hear it's pretty cold in the US today...can you just like this post, if you haven't frozen to death. Thanks!

I'm back in America now, so my chances of being shot randomly are 10,000% higher

I'm in that stretch of time before vacation, when you're cleaning things you wouldn't be cleaning, if you were just staying home.


Crazy Germany is having their Election Day on a Sunday. It's almost like they want their citizens to vote.


"Spent all my Euros on tuxes and weird clothes...I party with weirdoes.." (that line is stuck in my head) #tomford #holygrail 



Cats are fucking diabolical:

I'm addicted to "Arrow." It's Batman meets Robin Hood meets Green Lantern meets Cast Away. Then add a dollop of Revenge & a pinch of Dexter and you've got a show. I just need to put things in a way I can understand.


I must be getting old. I saw a lesbian couple kissing on the street yesterday. And, my first thought was not, "Whoa, that's pretty hot!"  "It was, "why are they kissing while standing in the bike lane?" Which. They. Were. Respect bike lanes people."


Another sign that I'm getting old, when I listen 2 rap, I punch unfamiliar references into Urban Dictionary. My latest was "pop a Molly."


#coolquote "Religion was invented when the first con man met the first fool." - Mark Twain

Just found a podcast called, "School of Podcasting, Learn How To Podcast." The word "podcast" has lost all meaning. #meta #rabbithole

"Have you gone to the movies, and thought, "I also want to pick up some cigarettes while I'm here." Well, my local theatre has you covered. #Hamburg

Finally getting around to finishing "No Logo" by Naomi Klein and now I'm pissed off about shit that happened 15-20 yrs ago.

"K. Kardashian & Kanye West are naming their baby North. It's full name will literally be "North West", in case you forgot why you hate humanity."


The "German efficiency" stereotype does fall down a bit. I've been at the dentist for 30 min & still waiting. Lesson is: dentists suck wherever you are in the world.

Homeland thoughts:

- For what's its worth,  I would recommend #Homeland to anyone. You just have to watch it like it's a comedy.


- I can't figure out what my favorite part of #Homeland (S3) is. The overt racism? Or pretending like the #CIA may be shut down? It might be a tie

- Re: CIA "We don't assassinate people." Ridiculous lines from #homeland (S3 ep1)

- No one saw 9/11 coming!" Ridiculous lines from #homeland (S3 ep1)

- Re: a #CIA shutdown "This might be the last order we give." Ridiculous lines from #homeland

- I think my favorite part was the palpable fear, around wondering whether the #CIA would get shutdown or not. C'mon. #Homeland

Stupid Twitter Hashtag Games

Schindler's Grocery List #addawordruinamovie

Schindler's Bucket List #addawordruinamovie
 Star Storage Wars #addawordruinamovie

#BreakingBadFinale: Walt poisons EVERYONE w/ the ricin, except Walt Jr. They walk off together, Jr. schucks the crutches Keyser Soze-style.


Anyway to dope in Formula 1 racing? During my time here in Germany, I noticed Sebastian Vettel wins everything. My Lance Armstrong senses are going off.



Bruno Mars is on German TV tonight, looking very Lenny Kravitz-ish.

Mos Def Feat. Black Thought & Eminem - AnAbsolutely Epic Freestyle (The Cypher):

I think I'm getting spoiled by efficient public transportation. I just missed my train yesterday and was SUPER pissed I had to wait a whole 4 minutes for the next one.


German is a tough language, but occasionally you get a freebie. Just learned the German word for birth control pill is "Antibabypille". I can't forget that, if I tried.


The web is at a "Rule 34" level. If you can dream it up, there's a site for it. Here are "Selfies At Funerals" http://selfiesatfunerals.tumblr.com


This week is confusing Monday felt like Friday, Wednesday feels like Monday, Thursday will feel kinda like a Wednesday, & Friday will be Friday again. #HolidayWeek


All that money spent on Destiny USA & they couldn't even spring for a spell check at Cantina Laredo.  #NotHookedOnPhonics

Packed away my blazers for the move today. Goodbye old friends, I'll see you on the other side. #underdressed


Watching infomercials in German is really helping me up my "ability to bullshit people." in a second language. Recommended! #learnGerman

 X-mas shopping for my nieces & nephews done in 8 minutes! Join #Teamgiftcard


Today in #YOLO 2 yr old gets weight-loss (bariatric) surgery: http://edition.cnn.com/2013/09/20/living/parents-2-year-old-weight-loss-surgery/index.html?sr=sharebar_twitter




Big night tomorrow, AXA's Holiday Party . Because of the importance of the night, The Blazer™ is being given the night off and it's being replaced by the Über-Blazer™.


Ok, so Craigslist is way more effective than I thought, people are on their way to check out the couch. If they buy it, I don't know what I'm gonna sit on. Ugh, I didn't really think this through.


I just realized I like two songs involving Carly Rae Jepsen...I was fine with one..but...two?? #newlow

 Fun Fact: Die Buchstaben in "Bundeskanzlerin" neu anordnen zu "Bankzinsenluden." (Bank interest bitch)


If you've ever gone to black churches, you will appreciate this: "10 Types of Black Preachers" 

Just home after like 9 hours hanging out, at this rate, my "Tour of Syracuse" will kill me before Christmas.


Off to Destiny USA, for a private restaurant opening (oooh, fancy)..If you're at the mall, keep an eye out for me, I'll be the overdressed fella in the blazer.



It's finally official, moving to Germany in February!


Packing for home and I'm not bringing a blazer. I don't know who I am anymore.

Best NSA/Obama joke:

A couple of FB "friends" had to be jettisoned tonight and un-friended, because they're officially too stupid for me to be reading their thoughts. If you see this message, it wasn't you. Congrats!


Mother Nature has given me a nice present. It will be in the low 50's when I head out tonight. Perfect weather to break out The Blazer™.


Ugh, 39 degrees this morning in Syracuse. I'm calling it, its officially scarf season. Folks, you are free to accessorize and layer.


" Crystal Palace is my new favorite soccer club. It sounds like a strip club or a sweet Chinese food spot." 

- courtesy of Brian Haggenmiller


Got my last training run in tonight, all set for the 1/2 marathon on Saturday!
Next year's goal: the full marathon. I'm coming for you, Kenyan runners. Watch ya' back.


Best OBL joke I've seen so far:

"Osama bin Laden - world hide and go seek champion (2001 - 2011) lost his title today."


I made sure I told the pharmacist the Valtrex was for shingles and NOT genital herpes like the commercials say.


The Victoria's Secret Fashion Show is on, I'm gonna watch for the articles.





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