"I have hit the zenith for a "non-threatening straight guy." I got my invite to a "Ladies Night + James" get together!"
"I'm nearly certain Germany is either "racially insensitive" (and not to only black people) or just doesn't have a fucking clue.
"I'm nearly certain Germany is either "racially insensitive" (and not to only black people) or just doesn't have a fucking clue.
Exhibit A (and I have a lot more to post): Why do you need a brother with a ridiculous fake 'Fro to sell Scampi Pizza is beyond me. And, what the hell is scampi pizza anyway?:
"Just saw my first coat that had elbow patches. This has gone far enough.
I'm ready to release a line of pajamas with elbow patches."
"Had a German tell me, that I'm not an "American American"...Not sure exactly what it means, but it feels like a compliment."
Here is a preview of the stupid thing I'm doing to myself this year, the Hamburg Urbanathlon. Vid is only 2:30 minutes:
"I know the Finale is near, but I gave up caring about "How He Met Their Mother" in Season 5. #DrinkingHaterade
I really love living here in Hamburg. It is truly a beautiful town. Here is a great time-lapse video of 24 hours here, all of the main sights are featured, check it out: 24 Hours Hamburg
"I'm not an "ageist" but, I feel like I'm a "young" 37 yrs old. So, I'll deal with someone who is an "old" 41, when I'm 50."
"Peppermint tea might be one of the best bargains going. You get all the benefits of the actual tea and you don't really need breath mints, if you drink it enough." #APennySaved
"Sitting down to pee gets a bad rap. You can text, tweet, and
you don't have to clean up after yourselves afterwards. Guys, open your
minds, it's not so bad."
"I
have a busy Saturday. A 2pm "first-date", a 5pm "break-up date", and a
9pm "night date." All this and the clocks change tonight. Tomorrow will
suck. What are you doing?" #textingedition
"I'm definitely turning into a "sapiosexual." (look it up guys, I can't do everything for you)
"Things
are actually going pretty great...I love it here, met some really great
people...the city is just beautiful, I live close to everything...I
don't have to drive. Even the insects are top-notch."
"You're lucky, you have a beautiful view of the Elbe River. When I look out of my window, if I really stretch my neck, I see a yeast factory."
"I won the biggest lighter I've ever seen at the Hamburger Dom last night. I think I have to move to a bigger apartment, to make space for it."
"Sunday nights are when things kick-off on German dating sites"
"Part of my job is teaching German people how to be normal."
"I'm liberal and am for equal rights. I would defend your right to be hit by a bike."
"I'm 90% sure I'm a sociopath and I'm just hiding it well at this point."
"I don't think I'm going through a mid-life crisis. I like to call it a "late, early life crisis." #semantics
"Not having patches on your elbows is the new having patches on your elbows."
"It took me years of being sarcastic dickhead, to talk like this."
"Sir, you're wearing a bow tie, you shouldn't be co-signing such humor."
"I'm such a caveman...here I am pawing everyone's nuts."
"At the very least, she has a very big inheritance coming to her."
"I wouldn't mind getting wifed-up by a doctor-to-be."
"As long as she doesn't have scoliosis or hot flashes, I'm pretty good." (this is the "old" 41 year old referenced above)
These big headphones are out of hand. We have gone from "Beats By Dre" to "I Work On An Airport Runway."
"No sir. I trademarked "The Blazer™", so now we are separate entities."
"The Blazer™ (I filed the legal paperwork) is also looking forward to the night."
"Frank Underwood is the Walter White of politics."
- courtesy of Melanie Steel
"You don't have to be angry to speak German, but it does help."
- courtesy of @ShitGermansSay (on Twitter)
"You can always count on Americans to do the right thing - after they've tried everything else."
- Winston Churchill
#coolquote
"I'm gonna rehydrate myself with beer after Bikram. It's going to be great."
"Your "I'm smart" glasses and hoodie, made me think you knew what you were talking about."
I also learned from you, that I want all my baked goods "stuffed with resentment."
- "stuffed with resentment", courtesy of Sarah Dee
"He looks like a burn victim, who had a lot of hair gel lying around."
"Not having a beard, is the new having a beard."
I ate insects for the first time tonight. From left to right:
Mealworm in Dough, Buffalo Worms, Locusts, BBQ Sauce
Ok, I'm about to try and watch "Blackfish." I'm prepared to be emotionally destroyed and putting my over/under for tears at 500.
This is the most bling-ed out German you've ever seen. "Mr. T" of Western Europe
Soccer/Politics/movies meet: Here is Rene Meulensteen (right) former asst @ Manchester United looks like the offspring of Tom Hanks and Speaker Of The House (Republican) John Boehner "
And, I don't really have pearls to clutch when I'm shocked...it was figurative."
"Off to an All-You-Can-Eat Vegan breakfast, where I will attempt to eat my body weight in vegan food."
"40 Maps that explain The World" Kinda awesome..My fave is #36, "Area Codes In Which Ludacris Claims To Have Hoes" http://www.realfarmacy.com/40-
"Arguing about politics is like giving me a Red Bull. It always wakes me up."
"The word "schön" (describing the weather), will be uttered approximately Eleventy billion times today in Germany."
"I don't know "people", but I'm sure I know "people", who know "people".
"I'm delicate. Sometimes the week beats the shit out of me and I need to get away from it all."
"I'm in that unfortunate moment with my gray hairs in my beard. I have too many to pluck and too few to color."
"I don't know what I meant, but I know what I didn't mean."
"The perfect car for those who think a Smart car is a bit too roomy."
"I forget details of my own life."
"Sometimes the jokes are just for me."
"I'm in such a good mood, I'm quoting goofy stuff I've said tonight, out of context, via Facebook."
"You can't masturbate during the Olympics. It's the purity of sport!"
"My body is shaking its internal fist at me."
"I'll allow you to piggy-back my male privilege."
All the guerrilla marketing of
"I'd also accept being snatched out of there with a plane/ grappling hook combo, like in "The Dark Knight Rises."" (2:50 mark, if you forgot the scene)
"I would go to your wedding (in Texas), if I could just smoke-pellet out of there after it was over."
"I don't care how many of you guys post it. I'm not doing my Facebook movie.
I'm considering it the new "Candy Crush."
I'm considering it the new "Candy Crush."
"My Super Bowl MVP: Global Warming. The high was 56 degrees (13 Celsius) today in E. Rutherford."
"This game is pretty horrible, but look at the bright side: I bet none of you had seen these aluminum foil colored, futuristic bubble gooses before tonight?
See, you probably feel better right now.
"This game is pretty horrible, but look at the bright side: I bet none of you had seen these aluminum foil colored, futuristic bubble gooses before tonight?
See, you probably feel better right now.
"Random thing that costs more in Germany...my dental floss.It costs 5 Euros ($6.75) for the only dental floss I can use.
"Oral B Pro Expert Premium" should market themselves as "The Dental Floss Of The 1%"
I just noticed Victoria Nuland (State Dept Assistant Secretary) always has a Rock-like "People's Eyebrow" going in every pic I see. #EsotericReferences
"2014 is the year I finally decide who I love more: "One Direction" or "One Republic" My waffling has gone on long enough."
Hey everyone...I hear it's pretty cold in the US today...can you just like this post, if you haven't frozen to death. Thanks!
I'm back in America now, so my chances of being shot randomly are 10,000% higher
I'm in that stretch of time before vacation, when you're cleaning things you wouldn't be cleaning, if you were just staying home.
Crazy Germany is having their Election Day on a Sunday. It's almost like they want their citizens to vote.
"Spent all my Euros on tuxes and weird clothes...I party with weirdoes.." (that line is stuck in my head)
Cats are fucking diabolical:
I'm addicted to "Arrow." It's Batman meets Robin Hood meets Green Lantern meets Cast Away. Then add a dollop of Revenge & a pinch of Dexter and you've got a show. I just need to put things in a way I can understand.
I must be getting old. I saw a lesbian couple kissing on the street yesterday. And, my first thought was not, "Whoa, that's pretty hot!" "It was, "why are they kissing while standing in the bike lane?" Which. They. Were. Respect bike lanes people."
Another sign that I'm getting old, when I listen 2 rap, I punch unfamiliar references into Urban Dictionary. My latest was "pop a Molly."
Just found a podcast called, "School of Podcasting, Learn How To Podcast." The word "podcast" has lost all meaning.
"Have you gone to the movies, and thought, "I also want to pick up some cigarettes while I'm here." Well, my local theatre has you covered. #Hamburg
Finally getting around to finishing "No Logo" by Naomi Klein and now I'm pissed off about shit that happened 15-20 yrs ago.
"K. Kardashian & Kanye West are naming their baby North. It's full name will literally be "North West", in case you forgot why you hate humanity."
The "German efficiency" stereotype does fall down a bit. I've been at the dentist for 30 min & still waiting. Lesson is: dentists suck wherever you are in the world.
Homeland thoughts:
- For what's its worth, I would recommend
- I can't figure out what my favorite part of
- Re: CIA "We don't assassinate people." Ridiculous lines from
- No one saw 9/11 coming!" Ridiculous lines from
- Re: a
- I think my favorite part was the palpable fear, around wondering whether the
Stupid Twitter Hashtag Games
Schindler's Grocery List
Schindler's Bucket List
Star Storage Wars
Anyway to dope in Formula 1 racing? During my time here in Germany, I noticed Sebastian Vettel wins everything. My Lance Armstrong senses are going off.
Bruno Mars is on German TV tonight, looking very Lenny Kravitz-ish.
Mos Def Feat. Black Thought & Eminem - AnAbsolutely Epic Freestyle (The Cypher):
I think I'm getting spoiled by efficient public transportation. I just missed my train yesterday and was SUPER pissed I had to wait a whole 4 minutes for the next one.
German is a tough language, but occasionally you get a freebie. Just learned the German word for birth control pill is "Antibabypille". I can't forget that, if I tried.
The web is at a "Rule 34" level. If you can dream it up, there's a site for it. Here are "Selfies At Funerals" http://selfiesatfunerals.
This week is confusing Monday felt like Friday, Wednesday feels like Monday, Thursday will feel kinda like a Wednesday, & Friday will be Friday again. #HolidayWeek
All that money spent on Destiny USA & they couldn't even spring for a spell check at Cantina Laredo. #NotHookedOnPhonics
Packed away my blazers for the move today. Goodbye old friends, I'll see you on the other side. #underdressed
Watching infomercials in German is really helping me up my "ability to bullshit people." in a second language. Recommended!
X-mas shopping for my nieces & nephews done in 8 minutes! Join #Teamgiftcard
Today in
Big night tomorrow, AXA's Holiday Party . Because of the importance of the night, The Blazer™ is being given the night off and it's being replaced by the Über-Blazer™.
Ok, so Craigslist is way more effective than I thought, people are on their way to check out the couch. If they buy it, I don't know what I'm gonna sit on. Ugh, I didn't really think this through.
I just realized I like two songs involving Carly Rae Jepsen...I was fine with one..but...two??
Fun Fact: Die Buchstaben in "Bundeskanzlerin" neu anordnen zu "Bankzinsenluden." (Bank interest bitch)
If you've ever gone to black churches, you will appreciate this: "10 Types of Black Preachers"
Just home after like 9 hours hanging out, at this rate, my "Tour of Syracuse" will kill me before Christmas.
Off to Destiny USA, for a private restaurant opening (oooh, fancy)..If you're at the mall, keep an eye out for me, I'll be the overdressed fella in the blazer.
It's finally official, moving to Germany in February!
Packing for home and I'm not bringing a blazer. I don't know who I am anymore.
Best NSA/Obama joke:
A couple of FB "friends" had to be jettisoned tonight and un-friended, because they're officially too stupid for me to be reading their thoughts. If you see this message, it wasn't you. Congrats!
Mother Nature has given me a nice present. It will be in the low 50's when I head out tonight. Perfect weather to break out The Blazer™.
Ugh, 39 degrees this morning in Syracuse. I'm calling it, its officially scarf season. Folks, you are free to accessorize and layer.
" Crystal Palace is my new favorite soccer club. It sounds like a strip club or a sweet Chinese food spot."
Off to Destiny USA, for a private restaurant opening (oooh, fancy)..If you're at the mall, keep an eye out for me, I'll be the overdressed fella in the blazer.
It's finally official, moving to Germany in February!
Packing for home and I'm not bringing a blazer. I don't know who I am anymore.
Best NSA/Obama joke:
A couple of FB "friends" had to be jettisoned tonight and un-friended, because they're officially too stupid for me to be reading their thoughts. If you see this message, it wasn't you. Congrats!
Mother Nature has given me a nice present. It will be in the low 50's when I head out tonight. Perfect weather to break out The Blazer™.
Ugh, 39 degrees this morning in Syracuse. I'm calling it, its officially scarf season. Folks, you are free to accessorize and layer.
" Crystal Palace is my new favorite soccer club. It sounds like a strip club or a sweet Chinese food spot."
- courtesy of Brian Haggenmiller
Got my last training run in tonight, all set for the 1/2 marathon on Saturday!
Next year's goal: the full marathon. I'm coming for you, Kenyan runners. Watch ya' back.
Best OBL joke I've seen so far:
"Osama bin Laden - world hide and go seek champion (2001 - 2011) lost his title today."
I made sure I told the pharmacist the Valtrex was for shingles and NOT genital herpes like the commercials say.
The Victoria's Secret Fashion Show is on, I'm gonna watch for the articles.
YOU MADE IT TO THE END OF THE BEGINNING! Welcome to #JamesQuotesJames!
Got my last training run in tonight, all set for the 1/2 marathon on Saturday!
Next year's goal: the full marathon. I'm coming for you, Kenyan runners. Watch ya' back.
Best OBL joke I've seen so far:
"Osama bin Laden - world hide and go seek champion (2001 - 2011) lost his title today."
I made sure I told the pharmacist the Valtrex was for shingles and NOT genital herpes like the commercials say.
The Victoria's Secret Fashion Show is on, I'm gonna watch for the articles.
YOU MADE IT TO THE END OF THE BEGINNING! Welcome to #JamesQuotesJames!
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